


I Don't Want to be Afraid

by SeaSparkle



Series: Keitor Week 2017 [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Heart-to-Heart, Idiots in Love, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keitorweek2017, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 15:42:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12634131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaSparkle/pseuds/SeaSparkle
Summary: Keith knows he hurt Lotor. He knows he needs to explain himself. He just didn't think it would be so hard.





	I Don't Want to be Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! This is once again written on my phone, so... yeah.  
> (Also I might have interpreted the prompt/theme pretty loosely in this one XD)  
> Keitor week day 7: Parents

He couldn't help but fidget with his hair as he slowly made his way down the hall. It was a nervous tic he supposed, a weird sort of calming habit, like how he noticed Allura had gotten into the habit of biting her nails. Just resently he'd walked into a room to find her grumbling over a bloody finger, mumbling about how she thought she was over this habit long ago. He left before she could notice him.

Lotor had been avoiding him. Avoiding everyone actually. It had been two days and he hadn't left his room. Everyone was still picking up the pieces after that battle, so nobody really had time to give it more then a passing glance. Lance wasn't even out of the healing pod yet and Pidge... Pidge now had a huge scar on her side, from her under arm to her hip. A large burn she insisted looked cool, espically when Matt fussed over her. 

Only he really knew Lotor was hiding away and why. 

He messed up. He messed up big time. Here he was with feelings for the galra prince and he went and ran away when Lotor had kissed him.

The thing was... he never had any intention of confessing his feelings to Lotor. Yes, he was falling for him, hard and fast, but he was... afraid. Afraid of being abandoned again. Afraid of being left behind.

He wished he could just move on from his mother leaving him. He really wished he could. With the revelation that she was galra, that she was even part of the blade, it was becoming increasingly clear that she probably had a good reason to leave. Either because of being an alien, or because she was being hunted, or simply because in the back of her mind she knew defeating Zarkon was more important then her family. But it still felt like rejection. No matter how much evidence he now had that she likely didn't leave because she wanted to. And then his dad....

He was scared it was just adrenaline. Just the rush of so many chemicals in the blood, the fact that they were both seconds away from death. 

But it had dawned on him how unfair he was being to Lotor. He had pushed away from someone who, like himself, was probably terrified of rejection. His own father wanted him dead for pete's sake! And, from what he understood, his mother was dead.

Lotor had been abandoned probably a lot more then Keith had, and yet he'd still been the one to take the first step. The one to be vulnerable and show his feelings, even if he was high on adrenaline. And Keith had pushed him away. Like he pushed everyone away. Even his teammates, when he pushed away and joined the blade.

Well, this time he was going to fix it.

When he arrived at Lotor's door, he paused. What if he wasn't in there? What if he didn't answer?

It didn't matter. Before he could change his mind he lifted his hand and knocked on the door. 

No answer.

He knocked again, this time louder. Moments passed and he was about to give up and go look somewhere else when the door opened.

Lotor was... wearing pajamas. And not the Altean kind like all the paladins had, or Allura or Coran. His looks so much more... normal. Like something you would see someone on earth wearing. He wore and over sized t-shirt that fell down, exposing one of his soft skinned, lilac shoulders. And orange sweatpants, the kind that ended just after the knee and were tappered in with an elastic. His hair was up in a messy bun that looked like he'd slept in, because it was truly a mess, with bits sticking off every where. He look so different from his usual regal look. He either always looked like royalty or a solider. Now though he looked... soft. Cute.

"Was there something you needed?" Lotor asked him, a little bitterly. Keith supposed he deserved that.

"Yes. I'm... I just.... I wanted to say I'm sorry. For running away like I did." Keith began. He couldn't seem to find his words. He'd practiced what he thought he should say, Lance had told him to do that once. If you don't want to mess up what you want to say practice before hand, plan it out. That way, no matter what, you'll have some idea what you want to say. Faced with the very real sad, tired, rejected Lotor infront of him, however, seemed to strike all possible words from his mind.

Lotor gave him a half smile. It was sad and bitter. He crosses his arms and leaned against the door frame, "I've been rejected before Keith. Though it is nice of you to come clarify that running away from me meant thanks but no thanks."

Keith shook his head,"No! No! That's not what I'm trying to say! I just... " he sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was hard. He didn't exactly expect it to be easy, but this made him want to run away. To just give up before Lotor shut the door in his face. But he had to try.

"My mom left me when I was little." Keith found himself blurting.

Lotor raised one of his perfect brows at him. When he didn't say anything, Keith took that as a cue to continue.

"I don't... I remember having a mother, but I don't remember anything about her. That's why I didn't know I wasn't completely human. I looked human and my dad... he never said anything otherwise." He told him. He'd never talked to Lotor about this. It was hard, but he needed to.

"T-Then my dad... he... he left too." Keith couldn't say any more then that. Tears were already stinging his eyes. He didn't want to keep talking, but he did.

"I can't let people in. Everyone always leaves me. Even if they don't mean too. I got so close to Shiro, the first real person I let in, but then he disappeared. Apparently taken prisoner by the galra..."

He shook his head violently back and forth, as if trying to shake off the tears, "I acted out and got kicked out. Then with Voltron... I was a terrible leader. I began pulling away. I knew they would get tired of how many times I screwed up... and I didn't want Lance to think he had to step aside..."

Keith was just standing there now, ugly crying and wiping at his tears pathetically. If he stood a chance with Lotor before he sure didn't know.

"I'm scared, okay? I'm scared you'll leave me so I pulled away like I always do. But I don't want to be afraid Lotor... I don't want to keep loosing to people I care about." He sobbed out. God he was a mess. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just talk about himself without crying?

"Oh Keith..." he heard Lotor say before he was pulled into a strong embrace. He melted into it.

Keith wasn't sure how long they stood there, Keith crying himself out into Lotor's chest while the man stroked his hair.

Eventually, he felt Lotor lay his head against the top of his, "I'm sorry I scared you."

"I'm sorry I ran away." Keith sniffled.

"Seems like we both have problematical parents, huh?" Lotor mused.

"Yeah. Though I think you're father wins in that department."

**Author's Note:**

> Lotor in a bun and casual clothing is my weakness. Apparently so is Lotor comforting Keith when he is a mess.
> 
> ~Sparkle


End file.
